I’ll be the first to admit,

I’m not spatially aware

and my four separate limbs,

somehow outnumber two pair.

‘It is how I was made’,

is my line of defense.

If you deem say I’m clumsy,

well, I’ll just take offense.

I can’t shy from the truth,

there’s just too much carnage.

Nor can I sidestep the blame,

say it’s down to my lineage.

I’ve ruined vintage jackets,

burnt their tassels to a crisp,

I’ve wiped out small children,

even blown up a whisk.

The list is quite endless,

it defies every law

and how I’m still standing,

only adds to my allure.

Because despite certain failings,

I am pretty astute.

Well that’s what I’ll believe

till I’m served a lawsuit.